This is what we are supposed to do over the holidays. So, where do I stand on this list?
1. Baking? Done. Although after receiving my cookies neither Carey nor Nutz posted for the longest time. Coincidence? I think not.
2. Hosting? Not this year, except for our nuclear family only dinner on Christmas Eve.
3. Chestnut Roasting? TG – no. Although I remember being a small child and watching my parents roast chestnuts on an open fire while they crooned old Bing Crosby songs. I tried to be very, very quiet so they would forget I was there but it never worked. Every year I had to “just try one!”. Yecchh. I do not like roasted chestnuts. I am almost glad that the American Chestnut trees went into decline.
Faking, Boasting, Internet Posting.
This is what I will really be doing.
1. Faking. Like when party people laugh and I laugh too even though I’m pretty much clueless. Or when religious relatives babble on about the Baby Jesus and I just smile & try to say pretty much nothing at all.
2. Boasting. Like when people boast about how great everything is at their house. Their children are perfect and all have college scholarships and/or play for symphony orchestras when they are not busy volunteering their time for homeless crack babies. So I put on my virtual ice-skates and spin, baby, spin. Because everything is perfect at my house too! (Not).
3. Internet Posting. Which is one of the funnest things I do so I’ll post if I want to.
In conclusion I offer this quote from Clare Fisher, of the late, great Showtime series Six Feet Under:
“In Hell, it’s always Christmas.”
Thank goodness I’m going to Hell. I love Christmas! I really do! It’s my favorite holiday.
12 comments:
*spirnkles tinsel on Swampster*
I hate chestnuts too. Whenever I go into the city during Christmas time I always want those damn things. They smell so good. Then I taste one and gag. Dirty water dog or pretzel is much better.
Did I tell you that Meggles is volunteering to help the crack babies? She is a genius I tell ya at only 7 weeks!
I bought organic, recycled tinsel, and the wine I drink was bought at a living wage for the smelly peasants tha tsquished it with their feet.
*hic*
How do you recylce tinsel? Did you pull it from your cat's butts?
I like to opeel glue.
Zombie, I can't tell if you like to appeal glue or to pee glue. I vote for the latter. Very practical and think of the money you will save with three glue-needing children in your household.
Coco, you committed an actual typographical error in my blog! I feel so special.
I haven't used tinsel in years, and yet it persists among the decorations. Graycie dragged a 10" tinsel fragment through the dining room just a few hours ago. Perhaps she will recycle it - perhaps not. Better her than me. I don't know what Tom would do if I had tinsel hanging out of my butt; he's such a random fetishist.
We are seriously short of holiday drinkables around here. All that's left is 2 bottles of cranberry wine that Tom's boss keeps giving us. It is sweeter than pancake syrup and I can't stand it!
Swampster is just cranky cause she has no drinks!
I just wanted to tell you that my house is perfect. I have a perfect tree and perfect decorations and my cats are perfect too. That is all.
Pffft to all, and to all a pffft-night.
Actually, I bought reusable tin tinsel from Lee Valley. It is basically a tin spiral with a hook on the end. The cats can't eat them (though they try).
LOL at the faking it. I find myself doing the same.
I've never had a roasted chestnut. Or any chestnut for that matter. If they are anything like boiled peanuts then *PUKE*
*takes off pants*
*wolf-whistles the pantless Carey*
*sits with Nookie in her car port*
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