Oh, Fer Pity's Sake!

I was going to hit my grocery store first thing this morning - but it is freaking snowing! Heavily.

I am so sick of snow! I guess the fambly will have to eat weird stuff I can make from random pasta , beans and canned soup - which is about all my pantry holds just now. I also have 2 onions, a zucchini and some iffy lettuce. Hmmm... what would Alton do?

Mea Culpa, Mea Cul-pitty Culpa

Edited to add: this topic amuses me so I am going to talk about it in the comments all weekend.

A short, cautionary tale that starts happy, gets excited and ends in a pool of blood...

Yesterday Mr. Swami brought me home a Cuisinart Food Processor. It is so sweet! (I asked him to pick one up for me since he works about 2 blocks from a Macy's, and I would have had to drive 28 miles round trip to the nearest Macy's.)

This is the Big One - with Professional Extras, so I can mix all kinds of dough, and slice and dice and shred and stuff with hardly any precutting because the big feed tube is so big! (It has a small feed tube too.) The regular price was $260, on a one-day sale for $119, and Mr. Swami got an another 10% off that price because he put it on his Macy's charge.

So I grab the box and immediately start opening it, pulling out all the attachments and stuff. Everything is packed so tight! It is very hard to get stuff to slide out of the box. After I get the attachments out I could not for the life of me pull the big, heavy base unit out. So I ask Mr. Swami to help me. I hold the box while he reaches inside and pulls. No dice. So I tip the box and he pulls some more. Then I tip the box past 90 degrees and give it a little shake - which is when all heck breaks loose.

Turns out, the only thing not securely & tightly packed is the freaking blade, which slips out and falls on Mr. Swami's bare foot!

"Wait! Wait!!!" Mr. Swami yells as I continue to shake the box, all oblivious.

Then I look down and see the blade lying between his feet, while a little puddle of blood quickly spreads into a little 4" x 5" pool of blood! Mr. Swami limps over to the opposite counter and grabs a paper towel to staunch the bleeding, leaving a trail of bloody footprints. He puts pressure on the biggest cut while I mop up the blood, then get him a clean, cloth towel to continue applying pressure.

And off we go to our Health Care provider's UrgentCare center to get it stitched up. We walk in, he registers, and then the nurse who comes out to check him says that the Urgent Care doc who is on duty "doesn't do stitches." !!! We would have to go to the ER at a nearby hospital. So turn around, walk back to the car, drive 4 blocks to the hospital, walk in to a desk again and register with the ER.

Six stitches, right on the big knuckle where your big toe connects to your foot. At least the blade missed the big tendon that controls the toe (by only about 2 mm!) so his foot should recover just fine. It was a deep cut though.

Also, as we drove the 10 miles into town, I would have been all crying, whinny and self-pitying had it been my foot. Mr. Swami sat in his seat and ate a cookie! Men are tougher than the average me, that's for sure.

I don't think Mr. Swami will give me any more presents that have blades attached!

Poor Mr. Swami. I feel so bad.

Wednesday Randoms

A. My kitchen is haunted this morning. I'm not kidding! At random times I hear a little gong noise - 5 rings then it stops. I can't figure out where it is coming from and this is driving me batty! I have no appliances with a gong sound! My dryer buzzes and my tea kettle dings. No gongs.

B. I still want a pet chicken. I have found a chicken rescue organization that has little photos and bios of chickens that need homes. (They're listed under 'see our tails' lol.) Aren't the hens sweet? I like chickens. Tom thinks the whole concept of pet chickens is nuts. To quote the organization - chickens "are the most unjustly treated land animals on the planet. Each year in the US, over 10 billion chickens suffer from intense confinement, cruel handling and painful terrifying deaths. Although they represent over 95% of the animals raised for agricultural and other purposes, they are excluded from protection of anticruelty laws, humane slaughter laws and laws that regulate experimentation."

C. Macy's has an 11-cup Cuisinart on sale for such a sweet price today. I may finally bite and become a Cuisinart owner. Then I can cook like the Big Kids on TV.

D. Who got kicked off DWTS last night? For some reason my DVR stopped at 58 minutes, so I was left with Monica Seles and the Broadway Chick standing there while the beat, beat music played - then nothing. Who got the boot?

E. Today I am putting the "alpha" into the alpha-numeric numbering system. Does this make me an Alpha Female?

F. My house reeks. Yesterday I had to cook up 5 lbs of bacon for DH to take into work for some kind of United Way breakfast fund-raiser thing this morning. Do you know how much grease 5 lbs of bacon generates? I think the intense smell of bacon has now permeated my entire house. It started out as a nice, appetizing smell - but has morphed into a stomach-churning annoyance.

G. I like to end on a G.

Edited to add: The kitchen gong sound stopped just after noon.

I still have no idea what it was, but I am speculating that somewhere in the kitchen some appliance was sending out a distress call just before it died.

So RIP whatever you were...

Spiderman, Spiderman,

Radio-active Spi-der-man!

This is what Mr. Swami was humming as he dressed this morning. He swears that I misheard him but I know what I know. And I laugh!

For some reason my complexion has gone South this week. Until further notice feel free to laugh, point and call me "splotchy".

Perhaps Mr. Swami was just that happy because he can wear jeans to work all this week. His company allows people to buy a day or a week of permission to wear jeans. Hmm. I wonder what they do with the money they take in? Percs for the CEO? Probably. Or maybe funds for the occasional free lunches they have. I shall have to ask him.

Brown Ones Are Better.

For colored eggs that is. We usually eat brown eggs, but every year I buy some white ones to color & decorate with the family kids. My theory is that the already brown eggs will look all muddy colored after you dye them. But they take the color and look gorgeous!

As an experiment I put one brown egg into each color dye and then went to watch the last 15 minutes of some basketball game (which took 45 minutes to play, of course.) After the game I lifted the eggs out and they were beautiful, with deep, rich jewel tone colors - like I had used some kind of fancy high-end dye!

Who knew?

Honey, They Shrunk the Eggs.

RIPOFF!!!
I just opened our annual 12 pack of chocolate marshmallow eggs. You know, the ones that are cutely packed in a styrofoam egg carton. The eggs were freakishly tiny! You could have put 4 of them into each little cuppy thing! I checked the box. Total weight? Four ounces. That's 4 ounces divided amongst 12 eggs. What a total freaking ripoff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Attack of the Snow!

It just.won't.stop.

My only consolation is that I am better off than Kim who is over 8 ft of snow for the season. TG we bought a new snowblower this fall!

Stoopid spring snow...

When Do You Drink?

You know, beverages. I am so sick of my late night pee parties, but I only feel thirsty late in the day and I drink most of my beverages after 4 pm. Last night? 12:15, 1:30, 4:20. Sometimes I accidently jostle Tom when I get back in bed just so he can share the wake-up pee fun, but usually he sleeps through it.

These are my beverages:

Coffee: Taster's Choice Gourmet extra-dark instant, 2 - 3 cups each morning. I don't like brewed or pressed coffee very much.

Tea, regular: Red Rose Orange Pekoe
Tea, decaf: Celestial Seasonings India Spice Chai

Non-carbonated: Crystal Light Raspberry Ice
Carbonated: DietRite Soda is what is mostly drink, with Dr. Pepper's Diet Cherry Vanilla for a special treat when I'm on the road.

Wine: Fat Bastard Shiraz. (I am so low class, lol.)
Beer: Yeah, right. *gag*
Liqueur: Bailey's Irish Cream
Mixed drink: Brandy Manhattan straight-up, or a B52 chill it and strain the ice.

Juice: Orange. Passionfruit. I dislike apple juice. I will not drink pineapple juice or any combo that includes pineapple juice.

Milk: 2%. Whole milk feels too thick and skim milk is too thin.

Water: Only from a glass, over mucho ice. I never buy bottled water. My private well goes down to the Prairie du Chien aquifer so I get 10,000 year old, untreated (and unpolluted with hormones & crap) water right from my faucet.

Carbonated beverages I drink from an acrylic mug because plastics hold the carbonation better than glass does. All other drinks taste better from glass. I rarely drink directlky from the can or bottle.

My Latest Love Object, Obsession, Whatever

Alton Brown. I love this guy!!! Why did I never even know of his quirky & fab show Good Eats until this week? Brown is a geeky foodie (foodie geek?) and his shows are just chock full of all sorts of crazy factoids about nutrition content, serving sizes, food pairings, food history, animal husbandry, string theory, knife sharpening and good old physical chemistry. I'm in love! His delivery is perfect deadpan, fast & furious - by the time you're ready to laugh at one of his geeky jokes/references he has moved on to the next thing. He's like a mad scientist on speed - who cooks!

Today I watched him French a juicy rack. Hilarious! Educational! And then there's the Lady of the Refrigerator. I tell you, I love this guy! Go to Food Network, find Good Eats and tape a few shows. He geeking hilarious!

***holding pattern***

Tom is home from work today, so in brief:

1. I will not have much 'puter time since he is a big computer hog.

2. Brunch was very nice. This was with my favorite SIL who I could sit and talk to all day and all night, and my least favorite SIL who makes want to run screaming from the room within about 15 minutes.

3. Green is the color of St Patrick's Day. Therefore it should. not. snow. like it just did. I feel so cheated!

4. Tom is eating a yogurt for breakfast. Have I mentioned I'm not used to having him around for breakfast? He makes noises, clears his throat, goes "mmmm-mmm-mm" while he scrapes the yoplait container, even attempts conversation! What should I do, lol?

5. Kitty is outside in the snow. Maybe she can make it go away.

6. Upside #1 of having Tom home - we get to go shopping together!

7. Downside of upside #1 - it is shopping at the hardware store.

8. Upside #2 of having Tom home - he's going to take me out to lunch, at either Nacho Mamas or India Palace.

9. Downside of upside #2 - no downside. I get to do lunch!

10. If I'm lucky, later today I can get him to carry a couple of chairs down to the basement storage pit. I hate too much furniture in the living room, and yesterday he carried up a couple of our "overflow" chairs. So now they should go back down, right?

Who Wants to Come for Brunch on Sunday?

A couple of Tom's sisters are dropping by, so I will have 7 people for brunch and I kind of over-bought. We have great big bowls of fruit, a humongous platter of assorted pastries and two kinds of quiche. Coffee, juice and tea too of course. I have bacon but I'm pretty sure no one will want it. Unless you do? Be here at 11!

1554

I do not drink beer. I just don't like it. I am like my mother in this regard, since she didn't drink it either. I have clear childhood memories of my dad offering her a beer now and then and her suggesting that he could just "put it back in the horse." This is what I think of beer.

We would both drink just about anything else. Wines, liquours, and mixed drinks of all kinds. Well, I avoid rum-based drinks since more than a drop or two of rum makes me feel both puke-ish and puckish. But still - it is Better Than Beer. And Ouzo and Retsina (however you spell them) are both kind of disgusting - but still, Better Than Beer.

Then there is Mr. Swami, who enjoys a beer now and then. His current favorite is something called Fat Tire. Lately he has been bringing home a bottle or two of different brews each week, just for fun. I always like to inspect the labels since even though I don't like beer I am a fan of Cool Labels. If I like the label I will sniff the open bottle. If the scent doesn't make me gag I will try a sip. Usually, the sip makes me gag.

Which brings us to 1554. A few days ago he brought home a bottle of New Belgium 1554, an "Enlightened Black Ale" The label was very pretty, decorated with hops vines. I also loved the description of the ale printed on the Pretty Label:

"1554 Enlightened Black Ale redefines the phrase keeping time in a bottle. From an ancient, crumbling Belgian library book, our intrepid researchers found references to this obscure style dating back to the year 1554. Overcoming obsolete script and units of measurement, our brewers discovered an ale with a surprisingly bright taste and a dry, chocolaty finish - one evocative of dark brews enjoyed in Belgian taverns 500 years ago."

Isn't that a Pretty Statement on the Pretty Label?

I decided it was worth a sniff. The sniff didn't gag me! So I moved on to the "sip" phase of my beer test. The sip didn't gag me! It wasn't really good, but then it didn't suck canal water either! It was actually drinkable! Drinkable beer!

So now I have a beer: It's called 1554.

What do you drink?

Crisis Time in the House of Swami

The cats are beside themselves. I have both their food dish and their water dish in the dishwasher. Oh, the dramatic yowling and walk-bys that are going on! You'd think it was the end of the world! Poor silly kitties.

In non-cat related news:

We are having a mini meltdown outside! I am so happy to see the winter snowcover start its retreat.

I read the First Book of Wheezus (Wake) and enjoyed it very much. Hopefully interest in this book will not Fade.

Mr. Swami is barely alive, so badly has a bunch of work stuff kicked his ass this week. He has promised to take Monday off. I sure hope so because he needs a day of sleep!

Geraldine Ferraro is still alive. Remember when she was Walter (Fritz) Mondale's running mate? When was that? Back in 1984? Anyway (and this a sad case of me displaying poor taste and sexism - but her recent comment about Obama has eased my conscience) I was reminded that back then a popular bumper sticker in Minnesota read "Fritz and Tits". It was very popular on pickup trucks, and I never did figure out if it was a statement of political support from red-neck & sexist people, a mocking of the Democratic team from the Reagan folks, or just a phrase too good to resist. Fritz and Tits!!! /flashback

Why Do They Just Stand There?

Like dogs at heel? Those political wives whose husbands have banged hookers / had multiple affairs over years / done restroom gay-mating dances in my airport? Etc.? I don't get it.

I understand that people and marriages are complex things and many marriages can and do survive stuff like I mentioned. I just don't get the wive dressing up, putting on pearls and then standing there like a posed showdog.

No one loves their husband more than I do, but if he were a public person, publically outted in a situation like I mention above he would face the damn cameras alone, while I stayed off-camera and did something that involved emoting! Like spitting, ripping stuff up and setting small fires. We would probably survive, but I would never put on pearls and stand at heel. Screw that!

TGIM & stuff.

You know how you're having an intimate, possibly romantic dinner with your sweetie?
Then the cat walks in, hoarks up a hairball and leaves?
Totally kills the mood.
Totally.
TG for Monday morning quickies!
*grins*

In an unrelated event this morning I read the recipes on the inside of my Philadelphia cream cheese box. They have one for a Black Forest Cheesecake that contains (get this):
20 oreo cookies
3 Tbsp butter
4 (four!) 8 oz packages of cream cheese
1 cup of sugar
1 cup of sour cream
2 cups of cool whip
and
1 can of cherry pie filling

That just sounds like total overkill to me. Yuck!

Spring Back, Fall Forward.

This has been a public service announcement.

My Vegetable Rut

This week I have prepared a medley of roasted vegetables for dinner every single freaking night. I just love roast vegetables.

Cut up some assorted vegetables, always including a red onion and a bunch of garlic cloves, toss them with some olive oil and spices, spread them out almost single layer and roast at 450' for about 1/2 and hour. Simply divine.

Guess what I am having for dinner tonight?

Wandering Through Wednesday.

Today I actually have to work at my part time job for a while. I would rather do quickies. Although maybe for some (most?) of you a part time job IS a quickie!

I hate my pots and pans. They are Basic Essentials from Kohl's and all the handles have cracks in them. Stupid pots! I do not want to spend a bunch on non-stick coated pans because eventually the non-stick stuff loses its goodness and then you want new ones. Stupid pans.

Speaking of things that are stupid, my oldest DD is a complete financial idiot. Totally & completely.

We got about an inch and a half of snow overnight. Not enough to shovel but too much to just leave there. Fortunately this is Tom's department. He compromised by pushing the snow off the middle half of the driveway. (This will make sense to all winter people.)

Jericho last night was so damn good! I love that show! And there are only 3 episodes left until it ends. Meanwhile complete idiocies like Two and a Half Men just go on and on and on and on and on...

I will not watch CNN again until Wolf Blitzer is gone. I have always hated his stentorian honkings and now he is everywhere on CNN at all possible times, honk, honk honking away. Hate, hate, hate him.

It's A Day For Quickies!

Everything I have to do today is a quickie:

1. Quickie visit to my kid's psychiatrist for a med check.

2. Quickie visit to the grocer (all I really need is onions.)

3. Quickie run into town to buy a sleepshirt I saw in a store window for my sister's birthday. (Shirt says 'She Who Sleeps With Dogs'.)

4. Quickie phone call to order a long-sleeved t-shirt from the Southwest Indian Foundation. They have a website (southwestindian.com) but I like talking to people sometimes - especially if they are actually in the US.

5. Quickie laundry - all I really need is clean undies.

6. I drank instant coffee for breakfast.

7. With instant WW brown sugar and maple oatmeal.

8. Quickie stop at the post office (on my way back from the grocer quickie) to mail a package. (Advantage of a small town - hardly ever, ever a line.)

9. I'm having microwaved Lean Cuisine for lunch. Quick!

10. Dinner will be quick too, since Tom won't be here. Microwaved leftover swiss steak and roasted vegetables from last night. Mmmmmm. Quick!


Typing this list? The most time-consuming thing I will do today.
Tell me about your quickies today! Quickly!

The First Sign of Spring.

F{?/#$%&#?$ing potholes.

They're everywhere! If smart people can put a man on the moon why can't they invent a road surface that doesn't turn into the crater-like surface of the moon every spring? You people who don't live in winter states have no idea what you are missing. Normal roads turned into full length tire death-traps in a matter of days.

Now I have to drive my car down the road like I'm skiing just to avoid the dang things.

(Ed to add: I have no idea why blogger decided my fancy F word was a link or email addie. It isn't.)