Survey, Glowie and some others have put up their Fall TV viewing list, so I thought I would put mine up too.
Monday: Heroes.
Tuesday: Dancing With The Stars, Law & Order Criminal Intent.
Wednesday: Dancing With The Stars Results, Jericho, Lost, Criminal Minds, Project Runway.
Thursday: Survivor, Grey's Anatomy, CSI Original, Shark.
Friday: Justice, Numbers. And when it starts on Oct 6, Battlestar Gallactica.
Saturday: Nothin'.
Sunday: The Amazing Race, Despirate Housewives, Cold Case.
Most shows I watch after recording them. Survivor & TAR are the only shows I always try to watch live.
Some shows I like to watch I have no idea when they are on. These are mostly HGTV or TLC shows: Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Get Color, Design on a Dime, Divine Design, Designer Finals, Flip That House, Take Home Chef. I record them and then watch whenever I feel like it.
I also watch some football on every other Sunday.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Thursday, September 28, 2006
No Pie Tonight
Tom said, "I am pigging out on pizza for lunch today so I don't need supper tonight. Don't make me anything."
So I'm not. There is one serving of leftover chili for me & nothing for him. Nada. If he changes his mind - too bad. He's on his own.
So I'm not. There is one serving of leftover chili for me & nothing for him. Nada. If he changes his mind - too bad. He's on his own.
Purple State Blues
Can I come visit you in August, 2008? The goopy GOP will be having their national convention just down the road, at St. Paul's Xcel Center. Don't get me wrong - the Xcel Center (named for our statewide public power utility & home to the MN Wild hockey team) is a lovely place. But I like it politician-free.
They plan to lock down an area three blocks wide around the Xcel Center for the week. Luckily Tom's office is 5 blocks from the site & he has reserved parking. He usually goes for a walk instead of lunch, from his office to the Xcel Center, around that block and then back. They have probably already marked him as a possible terrist.
Stupid goop. I want conventions on TV not in my backyard!
They plan to lock down an area three blocks wide around the Xcel Center for the week. Luckily Tom's office is 5 blocks from the site & he has reserved parking. He usually goes for a walk instead of lunch, from his office to the Xcel Center, around that block and then back. They have probably already marked him as a possible terrist.
Stupid goop. I want conventions on TV not in my backyard!
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
I Am Defective
Take for instance, sex. Movie people don't have sex like I do. They never wail like banshees or laugh their heads off while doing the deed. Both of which I do on a regular basis. Movie people are just earnest & smouldering through the whole thing. Maybe my funny bone is just in an odd place? Am I defective? Do you laugh sometimes? I mean, BWAAHAHAHAHA laugh while you're doing it?
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Friday, September 22, 2006
It's Tough, Being a Contrairian
Take for instance, spinach.
I have been craving spinach all week. Just knowing that I can't have it drives me nuts. Yesterday at the grocery store there was no fresh spinach, of course. There was even a produce guy gamely re-sorting all the bagged salad mixes, just in case. And to look vigilant I guess.
I was craving Chicken Tika Masala with spinach. TG the frozen spinach was still there! Picked over, but there. I got the last box of whole leaf, thawed it & squeezed all the water out. It tasted okay in the chicken. Not as nice as fresh, but not bad.
Do you use those bagged salad mixes? How often? Did you eat fresh bagged spinach last week and live to tell the tale? Do you even eat spinach?
I have been craving spinach all week. Just knowing that I can't have it drives me nuts. Yesterday at the grocery store there was no fresh spinach, of course. There was even a produce guy gamely re-sorting all the bagged salad mixes, just in case. And to look vigilant I guess.
I was craving Chicken Tika Masala with spinach. TG the frozen spinach was still there! Picked over, but there. I got the last box of whole leaf, thawed it & squeezed all the water out. It tasted okay in the chicken. Not as nice as fresh, but not bad.
Do you use those bagged salad mixes? How often? Did you eat fresh bagged spinach last week and live to tell the tale? Do you even eat spinach?
Thursday, September 21, 2006
I Hate Grocery Shopping!
And yet? I have to do it every week. Sucks. I'd rather hang around and post limericks on Coco's blog! I'm still waiting for her to bitch slap me.
What I hate getting most is the damn paper goods. Vegetables and meat are at least fun to pick over, but where's the joy in buying tp and baggies?
Into the cart.
Out of the cart for scanning.
Into the bags for hauling.
Into the cart again.
Out to the car.
Into the car.
Into the house.
Out of the bags.
Into the cupboards.
Repeat.
What a pain! My grocery store is 30 minutes away, so the whole process takes me one hour and 45 minutes. Sucks.
What I hate getting most is the damn paper goods. Vegetables and meat are at least fun to pick over, but where's the joy in buying tp and baggies?
Into the cart.
Out of the cart for scanning.
Into the bags for hauling.
Into the cart again.
Out to the car.
Into the car.
Into the house.
Out of the bags.
Into the cupboards.
Repeat.
What a pain! My grocery store is 30 minutes away, so the whole process takes me one hour and 45 minutes. Sucks.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
WOOT WOOT!
What does this mean, exactly? Is it an acronym? A verb? What?
Please help me by using WOOT in a sentence. Have you done anything WOOTable lately?
Also, I have noticed that Carey WOOTs the most and POOTs the most. Coincidence? or related phenomenon?
Please help me by using WOOT in a sentence. Have you done anything WOOTable lately?
Also, I have noticed that Carey WOOTs the most and POOTs the most. Coincidence? or related phenomenon?
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
My Visit With RedLady!
Red Lady (Nancy) and her husband arrived Saturday night, about 7:40 p.m. Since we live on a remote, dead-end dirt road Tom and I had put some plastic pink flamingos at the end of our drive so she would know where to turn. We did a quick tour of my house and then settled down to the serious business of drinking wine, talking & laughing non-stop while eating steaks from my BBQ, which were burned to perfection lol. She brought me a loaf of genuine San Fran sourdough bread! But I stuck that into the freezer for later and served her my garlic loaf from Kowalski's. (Not that butter-laden garlic-salted stuff - a nice, crusty loaf of yeasty white bread with an entire head worth of whole garlic cloves baked right in.)
The weather was a perfect Fall day, so we could eat on my screen porch. Basically we spent the whole evening out on the porch - drinking multiple bottles of wine before switching over to Kama Sutras (the mixed drink, not reinactments.) We made our drunken phone call to Aisling (L82LIFE) somewhere in the middle of this. I passed on the various "Hi RedLady" messages & virtual hugs I had received. Party broke up at about 1 a.m. - which is way late for me! I am SO a morning person.
Oh, Nancy and I had so much fun! We just click and double-click, ya know? Our husbands also seem to get along just fine so that works out great too!
Sunday was a whirlwind of "see everything right now" that involved touring my town and a bunch of nice homes on the St. Croix River as well as a trip to Redwing, MN to see her grandparents old house, and the train station where her mom used to debark when she visited them every summer as a child. The station is right on the Mississippi so Nancy got to get her feet wet in the mighty Mississip.
We did some shopping in the cute Redwing downtown area then went to The Source, aka the Redwing Pottery Co., home of Nancy's collectibles passion - Redwing Pottery. Poor Nancy! By the time we got to the pottery's Factory Store we were so short of time she had to speed shop. It was like a TV game show - watch contestant Nancy run through a store, see everything and find what she wants most in 2 & 1/2 minutes!!! We felt mean hurrying her along, but we had tickets for a paddleboat cruise with a 4:30 p.m. boarding deadline. So we rushed Nancy. I have no idea how much money she spent per minute of shopping, but it had to be an impressive amount. When we were back in the car and speeding back to Stillwater she had to keep opening her bags to see for herself what she had finally wound up buying, lol.
Tom pushed the speed limit just a little and we figured we would be back in Stillwater with 5 minutes to spare before they pulled up the boarding ramp. As soon as we got just outside town we hit a huge traffic back-up along the river! Huge! Tom jumped off the main road, zipped down some back residential streets and out an alley right in front of the boat dock. Miraculously, there was one parking space right in front of St. Croix Boat & Packet Co. - home of our paddlewheel cruise boat! There were sirens going off up & down the street, lots of Patrol cars out, and all kinds of people standing around on shore but we were in such a hurry to board we didn't really pay much attention. They pulled the boarding ramp up right behind us.
As the boat departed, Tom and I quickly realized that we weren't going North under our famous Stillwater lift bridge for the usual 2 hour tour. So we looked out the back and finally registered that the bridge was closed, with multiple patrol cars parked to block access on both ends, lights flashing. The water was full of rescue boats, lights flashing. Turns out a car had gone off the lift bridge while it was raised (they raise it so the big paddle boats can get past) and into the water! Such a freak tragedy.
So we went south, which is kind of a boring ride. The northern route goes close to some fabulous cliffs & bluffs & islands and stuff. But still, the boat ride was okay. Rubber chicken and roast beef in the dinner buffet. They did have a pretty nice Dixieland Jazz quartet so had some nice music to listen to.
After the cruise it was back to our place where we joined TAR in progress. This is Nancy's and my favorite show so it was great to watch with her! We always talk about applying to be on it as "internet friends" but I feel like I'm too old for some of the stunts, lol.
After TAR (and during!) we drank some more and just had an all-round good time.
Monday morning, since Nancy couldn't find DJ in time for a meet, I got to spend 3 extra hours with her! We finally "did" Main Street in Stillwater, which has some very cute little shops, and had lunch at Madcapper's a bar Tom & I used to go to every week a few years ago. Think " Cheers."
Then we had to say goodbye *sob*. Word to the wise? Never pass up a chance to meet Nancy! She is such a lovely person! Oh yeah. Some of you may know she said she had lost a few pounds with all the stress of having her dog stolen a few weeks ago. Wow! She looks even more gorgeous now than before, totally model slim! I was so jealous of her skinny ass and legs! Nancy is smokin'!
*smooches* to Nancy when she reads this. I forgot to ask her if I could put pics on this blog.
The weather was a perfect Fall day, so we could eat on my screen porch. Basically we spent the whole evening out on the porch - drinking multiple bottles of wine before switching over to Kama Sutras (the mixed drink, not reinactments.) We made our drunken phone call to Aisling (L82LIFE) somewhere in the middle of this. I passed on the various "Hi RedLady" messages & virtual hugs I had received. Party broke up at about 1 a.m. - which is way late for me! I am SO a morning person.
Oh, Nancy and I had so much fun! We just click and double-click, ya know? Our husbands also seem to get along just fine so that works out great too!
Sunday was a whirlwind of "see everything right now" that involved touring my town and a bunch of nice homes on the St. Croix River as well as a trip to Redwing, MN to see her grandparents old house, and the train station where her mom used to debark when she visited them every summer as a child. The station is right on the Mississippi so Nancy got to get her feet wet in the mighty Mississip.
We did some shopping in the cute Redwing downtown area then went to The Source, aka the Redwing Pottery Co., home of Nancy's collectibles passion - Redwing Pottery. Poor Nancy! By the time we got to the pottery's Factory Store we were so short of time she had to speed shop. It was like a TV game show - watch contestant Nancy run through a store, see everything and find what she wants most in 2 & 1/2 minutes!!! We felt mean hurrying her along, but we had tickets for a paddleboat cruise with a 4:30 p.m. boarding deadline. So we rushed Nancy. I have no idea how much money she spent per minute of shopping, but it had to be an impressive amount. When we were back in the car and speeding back to Stillwater she had to keep opening her bags to see for herself what she had finally wound up buying, lol.
Tom pushed the speed limit just a little and we figured we would be back in Stillwater with 5 minutes to spare before they pulled up the boarding ramp. As soon as we got just outside town we hit a huge traffic back-up along the river! Huge! Tom jumped off the main road, zipped down some back residential streets and out an alley right in front of the boat dock. Miraculously, there was one parking space right in front of St. Croix Boat & Packet Co. - home of our paddlewheel cruise boat! There were sirens going off up & down the street, lots of Patrol cars out, and all kinds of people standing around on shore but we were in such a hurry to board we didn't really pay much attention. They pulled the boarding ramp up right behind us.
As the boat departed, Tom and I quickly realized that we weren't going North under our famous Stillwater lift bridge for the usual 2 hour tour. So we looked out the back and finally registered that the bridge was closed, with multiple patrol cars parked to block access on both ends, lights flashing. The water was full of rescue boats, lights flashing. Turns out a car had gone off the lift bridge while it was raised (they raise it so the big paddle boats can get past) and into the water! Such a freak tragedy.
So we went south, which is kind of a boring ride. The northern route goes close to some fabulous cliffs & bluffs & islands and stuff. But still, the boat ride was okay. Rubber chicken and roast beef in the dinner buffet. They did have a pretty nice Dixieland Jazz quartet so had some nice music to listen to.
After the cruise it was back to our place where we joined TAR in progress. This is Nancy's and my favorite show so it was great to watch with her! We always talk about applying to be on it as "internet friends" but I feel like I'm too old for some of the stunts, lol.
After TAR (and during!) we drank some more and just had an all-round good time.
Monday morning, since Nancy couldn't find DJ in time for a meet, I got to spend 3 extra hours with her! We finally "did" Main Street in Stillwater, which has some very cute little shops, and had lunch at Madcapper's a bar Tom & I used to go to every week a few years ago. Think " Cheers."
Then we had to say goodbye *sob*. Word to the wise? Never pass up a chance to meet Nancy! She is such a lovely person! Oh yeah. Some of you may know she said she had lost a few pounds with all the stress of having her dog stolen a few weeks ago. Wow! She looks even more gorgeous now than before, totally model slim! I was so jealous of her skinny ass and legs! Nancy is smokin'!
*smooches* to Nancy when she reads this. I forgot to ask her if I could put pics on this blog.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Who Remembers RedLady?
Late of OT. Well, maybe 3 years ago or so. She was a huge John Waters fan so she had a couple of pink flamingo sig pics. But my favorite sig of hers was a photo of Divine in full drag. Too funny. I think she was in the bar a lot back then.
Anyway, RedLady will be visiting moi this weekend! I am so excited! Not only is RedLady adorable but her husband is gorgeous too. I don't know if we can squeeze in enough visit in just a day and half (minus travel time, that's what it amounts to) but we will try!
I have a pink flamingo to put at the end of my drive, so she knows where to turn.
Lights already told me to give her a hug. If anyone else wants to say Hi to RedLady I can pass it on, or just show her this page. (She's not a blogger.)
Oh yeah! We get to watch the premiere of TAR together! I hope I have enough wine...
Anyway, RedLady will be visiting moi this weekend! I am so excited! Not only is RedLady adorable but her husband is gorgeous too. I don't know if we can squeeze in enough visit in just a day and half (minus travel time, that's what it amounts to) but we will try!
I have a pink flamingo to put at the end of my drive, so she knows where to turn.
Lights already told me to give her a hug. If anyone else wants to say Hi to RedLady I can pass it on, or just show her this page. (She's not a blogger.)
Oh yeah! We get to watch the premiere of TAR together! I hope I have enough wine...
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
My Day So Far...
I washed the kitchen cupboards with PineSol and finished my book. Did a little paperwork and got my Daily Show fix (on DVR).
This afternoon I am off to Aveda for a haircut and foiling. Every time I go I get my hair cut a bit shorter than the last time. Soon my ears will be exposed for the first time since I was about 13 years old. Why is is that women always cut thier hair off as they grow older?
Plus, while I love the results of a foil haircoloring I feel like such an idiot sitting there with 50 or 60 little sheets of carefully folded aluminum foil sticking out every which way. On the bright side - at least I am safe from alien mind control for a while!
This afternoon I am off to Aveda for a haircut and foiling. Every time I go I get my hair cut a bit shorter than the last time. Soon my ears will be exposed for the first time since I was about 13 years old. Why is is that women always cut thier hair off as they grow older?
Plus, while I love the results of a foil haircoloring I feel like such an idiot sitting there with 50 or 60 little sheets of carefully folded aluminum foil sticking out every which way. On the bright side - at least I am safe from alien mind control for a while!
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Today is Primary Day
In my state of MN, anyway.
So, do you vote in primaries? Do they work well in your state?
I hate MN primaries. One party (not saying which) typically has few or no contested positions this close to the actual election. MN has "open" primaries. That is, people may vote in a party's primary whether or not they are members of that political party. So what happens is that when Party A has no contested positions, Party A people all go to Party B's primary poll and vote for the Party B candidate they think will be easiest to beat in the November election. At least that's the scuttlebut.
So this morning I have to go do some defensive voting. And it's rainy out! The things I do to support democracy! Vote in the rain.
Maybe I'll get a donut while I'm out. I like donuts.
So, do you vote in primaries? Do they work well in your state?
I hate MN primaries. One party (not saying which) typically has few or no contested positions this close to the actual election. MN has "open" primaries. That is, people may vote in a party's primary whether or not they are members of that political party. So what happens is that when Party A has no contested positions, Party A people all go to Party B's primary poll and vote for the Party B candidate they think will be easiest to beat in the November election. At least that's the scuttlebut.
So this morning I have to go do some defensive voting. And it's rainy out! The things I do to support democracy! Vote in the rain.
Maybe I'll get a donut while I'm out. I like donuts.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Screw Penis Envy
What women really want is a butt like Eva Longoria’s. Have you seen the cover of this week’s EW? Holy crap is Eva gorgeous! To have a butt like that I am willing to kill 3-7 people and blow up a small county. Seriously. She is gorgeous.
Actually, my butt and Eva Longoria’s butt do have several things in common:
1. She wears size 00. There are 2 digits in my pant size too.
2. She sits on her butt. I sit on my butt.
3. Uhhhh, ummmm. Two out of three ain’t bad!
Can you be a lesbian and not know it?
*looks at magazine cover again & again*
Screw penis envy. Give me Eva Longoria's butt.
Friday, September 08, 2006
All Hail STAR TREK!!!
Forty years old today!
I am one of the few, the proud, who watched that first show in real time and was hooked for life. Oh, the scathing letters I wrote the network when they tried to cancel it that first time time!
I was first in line for the first showing of the first Star Trek movie in the Twin Cities! I have always liked James Tiberius Kirk, but my soul belongs to Spock. I grok Spock.
This should be a national holiday. That is all.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Prepare To Be Tea-Bagged
*giggle*
Bet you thought those were words I'd never say to you! But I was inspired by the last thing Tom did last night. No, not that! He drank a cup of tea. One of those uppity teas with clever stuff written on the box and the bag.
Anyway, this is what Tom's teabag said last night:
After Mt. Mazama erupted 7,700 years ago, there was a spot in the southern Cascades where you could feel the warmth of the lava and the cool of the jet stream. Drinking a cup of Refresh is sort of like that.
Gave me major giggle pants. Who the heck writes this stuff, and what strange New Age dimension do they inhabit?
Bet you thought those were words I'd never say to you! But I was inspired by the last thing Tom did last night. No, not that! He drank a cup of tea. One of those uppity teas with clever stuff written on the box and the bag.
Anyway, this is what Tom's teabag said last night:
After Mt. Mazama erupted 7,700 years ago, there was a spot in the southern Cascades where you could feel the warmth of the lava and the cool of the jet stream. Drinking a cup of Refresh is sort of like that.
Gave me major giggle pants. Who the heck writes this stuff, and what strange New Age dimension do they inhabit?
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Dear Miss Manners
Dear Miss Manners,
When was the requirement of sending a thank you note for a wedding gift dropped? Did I miss the memo? Just wondering.
Sincerely,
Swamifan
P.S.
Even an email "thank you" would have been acceptible. Unless it was not a personal email but some kind of mass -mailed, generic postcard thingie that my Norton anti-virus says 'don't open' so I don't.
When was the requirement of sending a thank you note for a wedding gift dropped? Did I miss the memo? Just wondering.
Sincerely,
Swamifan
P.S.
Even an email "thank you" would have been acceptible. Unless it was not a personal email but some kind of mass -mailed, generic postcard thingie that my Norton anti-virus says 'don't open' so I don't.
Monday, September 04, 2006
My Labor Day labor day entry. Long!
Which actually happened on Easter Sunday of 1984, but since this is Labor Day…
I think I have mentioned before that I have never gone into labor on my own. All my pregnancies ended with an induced labor, usually about 2 weeks post my due date. My second pregnancy in 1984 was no exception. I don’t have any pics like MM does, but I think my pregnant belly was just as large. At examination time, the doctor always commented “That’s a big baby!” then gave me serious, evaluating look.
I went for my last regular OB appointment the Wednesday before Easter, and they said they would induce me right after the holiday if I didn’t go into spontaneous labor first. Which of course I didn’t.
Early Saturday my “waters” broke – so embarrassing – to sit down to brunch & wet your pants and the dining room chair too! (At least I am not riding the elevator at work which had always been my nightmare: I’m in a crowded elevator. The 'up’ button is pushed. The car goes up and my water goes down, hitting the floor with a massive splat and everyone gasps.) That didn’t happen, TG.
I call the doctor’s office and they say to come in on Sunday Morning if labor doesn’t begin spontaneously, which of course it doesn’t. So at about 10 a.m. on Easter Sunday Tom and I go into Fairview Hospital. Getting admitted and changed and connecting up with my midwife team takes a couple of hours, so I don’t get my pitocin until almost noon.
(I like nurse-midwives. IMO you have a much nicer birth process with them because they get to know you better before the birth, and during labor they stay with you pretty much the whole time and guide you nicely through the process – not popping in & out all the time like the doctors do. If you are doing an unmedicated childbirth, which is always my desire, I think you have a way higher chance of success with midwives than with doctors. But I also believe in modern medicine. Totally! You should always give birth in a hospital so that if something goes wrong with you, the baby or the process the doctors and equipment you might need are just down the hall and not all the way across town.)
The Birth.
My midwife team is great! It consists of 2 midwives and a student midwife. Labor goes fine. I do not need medication. After about 4 hours of escalating contractions I am ready to push. But of course the midwives all say “Don’t push yet! You’re not quite fully dilated!” Everyone reading this who has ever given birth knows how almost impossible it is to not push once the push impulse takes hold of you. I manage to hold off for about 5 minutes, but then– hello! – I’m pushing now.
For someone who does not go into labor spontaneously I am a World Class pusher.
First push, nurse-midwife says “I see black hair!” They do a quick episiotomy because it will be a big baby.
Second push and the head crowns. Midwife says “Okay, on the next contraction really push hard! Maybe we can get the head out!”
Third push, I really push. In my little world of visualization what I am doing, lol, is sticking my right shoulder into the baby’s butt, bracing both feet against the wall of my uterus and pushing off! It sounds a bit weird but that’s what I was doing. In fact I was so busy with my extreme push that I couldn’t hear the midwives all yelling “Stop! Stop pushing!!!” So my third push had that baby out and since it was so fast there was no time for them to rotate and get the shoulders out one-by-one. Baby came out with her shoulders squared and I felt a big rip. Tom’s face got such a glorious look of combined wonder at the sudden baby and horrific wince at the ‘rip’ moment.
My Birth Epiphany.
Right after the baby is born they lay her across your chest, still attached to you by the umbilicus. Such a sweet moment. I kiss baby’s head and tell her her name. I promise to always care for her and be there for her. Then I have my birth epiphany for the second time (first time was with my first daughter.)
It is such a wondrous, magical moment when you hold your child - a complete and separate human being - but still attached to you by a pulsing umbilicus. For me, it is a powerful and primal moment. I know that my own mother gave me life in just the same way, holding me while I was still attached to her. I have a vision of a great line of mothers going back and back into time – all attached by one great umbilicus. Because giving life when you give birth is a flesh-to-flesh thing. Every daughter born of a mother has an endless connection - a direct, physical, flesh connection to every mother in her birthing line! The great umbilicus stretches back through all of history, through all of pre-history, through early cave woman, all the way back to some little Australopithecus afarensis 3 or 4 million years ago! And back before her into an unknown evolutionary past which may be forever unknown. But I am connected to all of it and all of them, flesh to flesh, blood to blood, by that umbilicus and the physical act of giving birth. Such a moment! It takes my breath away! I am touching the face of eternity.
A midwife clamps the cord and shows Tom where to cut. He cuts the cord, severs the connection to eternity, and is given his daughter for the first time. Now she belongs to him, for his eternity. The midwives assign my daughter her first Apgar score – 9.5. Not bad. All that remains is to deliver the placenta. A piece of cake in comparison with the rigors of birthing a baby, right? But this is where my complications begin.
WARNING. DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING IF YOU ARE PREGANT AND/OR SQUEEMISH ABOUT BLOODY MEDICAL TYPE STUFF
My Complication.
It is now maybe four or five minutes after I have given birth. I’m not really sure because I was busy having my epiphany, lol.
The midwife puts one hand on top of my marshmallow belly, finds the uterus so she can gently push down on it, and takes hold of the protruding umbilicus. And just like that I feel a hot gush between my legs and hear a ssssplat! sound on the floor. The midwife says jeez or something and runs out of the room. The other midwife hands the baby to Tom, looks distraught and says “The umbilicus broke off. We need a doctor now. You’ll be okay.”
And I know what is happening then. There is a steady pulse of hot gushes and blood gobs smacking wetly on the floor. The placental blood vessels do not constrict. So long as the placenta remains attached to my uterus it will pour out blood. It is kind of like having your throat cut in terms of inevitable bleed-out unless something is done. And it is an OB emergency. When the call goes out every doctor who is not already handling a worse scenario must respond. And they come running!
Tom looks at the blood a bit confused. He has no idea if that is normal or not and the midwife’s running out has confused him. He figures out it is an emergency pretty quick though as doctors and nurse start pouring into the room and talking fast.
The first two docs arrive within seconds of each other. One immediately starts an IV line so I can be transfused as needed. The other says “Excuse me. I’m sorry” and sticks his gloved arm into my vagina and up into my now flaccid uterus. It was a big baby, no? He sticks his arm in up to his elbow, and then he starts feeling around, trying to find the placenta and physically peel it off – the only way to stop the bleeding.
I have no idea what Tom is doing while this goes on, because there are now 2 or 3 more doctors standing by my bed and a bunch of nurses with them. I can’t see Tom at all. The doctor again apologizes and explains what he is doing and why. I think it is good that I already understood more or less what was going on, so I don’t panic at all. I just say “Okay.”
It is a very bizarre feeling to have someone’s arm stuck into your body! And while the doc feels around, the blood continues to gush out around it and splat on the floor. In a few moments he finds the placenta and starts trying to peel it off my uterine wall. The blood continues to gush. He scrapes hard! I can feel his fingers grabbing and picking away inside me. It doesn’t hurt because there are no nerve ending associated with pain inside your uterus (at least I don’t think so) but it feels like I am being punched out from the inside. Weird pressures. Not at all comfortable, although entirely bearable.
Finally, he gets a good grip and peels the placenta away from my uterus. Just like that the gushy bleeding stops. When the doc stands back I see that his whole arm is bloody, and the front of his scrubs as far down as I can see are covered with blood.
As soon as the bleeding abates & the placenta is out the extra doctors all leave. The bloody doc looks me over and decides that I need to be moved to the OR to have my rip sewn up. I already had a major rip, possibly the arm wrestling inside my uterus made it worse – I don’t know. Anyway, I had 3rd or 4th degree tears (I forget which it’s called). I tore into but not through my rectum.
So they get ready to wheel me off to the OR. Tom looks conflicted because baby and I are splitting up now. I tell him to stay with the baby and off I go to the OR. On the way there I feel suddenly desperately cold. I begin to shiver violently. I guess I was beginning to go into shock from all the blood loss, but in the OR they put warmed blankets over me. Heaven! The shivering stops immediately. I notice that I have a bag of clear solution now attached to my IV. I’m not sure just when that happened – I was totally looking down at the long-armed doctor the whole time!
I need internal and external stitches. The arm-doctor, wearing clean & unbloodied scrubs now takes his time, doing a good job, and we chat a bit. At one point he tells me he will need new shoes. I guess I filled his shoes up with blood, lol.
And that’s the end of my little emergency. One hundred years ago I probably would have died, but thanks to modern, trained medical staff it was just a 5-minute thrill ride. And this is why I always tell people to have their babies in a hospital. Good midwives use a hospital. Because they know that once in a great while everything is going to go to hell really fast.
Oh yeah. They wouldn’t let me go back to the birth room to see my blood! One of the midwives commented that she had to go back to the room and help clean up the blood. “You wouldn’t believe the pool of blood back there!” she told me. I really wanted to see just how much blood had gushed out of me, but they wouldn’t do it. For some reason that really bummed me. It was my blood, why shouldn’t I be able to see it?
I think I have mentioned before that I have never gone into labor on my own. All my pregnancies ended with an induced labor, usually about 2 weeks post my due date. My second pregnancy in 1984 was no exception. I don’t have any pics like MM does, but I think my pregnant belly was just as large. At examination time, the doctor always commented “That’s a big baby!” then gave me serious, evaluating look.
I went for my last regular OB appointment the Wednesday before Easter, and they said they would induce me right after the holiday if I didn’t go into spontaneous labor first. Which of course I didn’t.
Early Saturday my “waters” broke – so embarrassing – to sit down to brunch & wet your pants and the dining room chair too! (At least I am not riding the elevator at work which had always been my nightmare: I’m in a crowded elevator. The 'up’ button is pushed. The car goes up and my water goes down, hitting the floor with a massive splat and everyone gasps.) That didn’t happen, TG.
I call the doctor’s office and they say to come in on Sunday Morning if labor doesn’t begin spontaneously, which of course it doesn’t. So at about 10 a.m. on Easter Sunday Tom and I go into Fairview Hospital. Getting admitted and changed and connecting up with my midwife team takes a couple of hours, so I don’t get my pitocin until almost noon.
(I like nurse-midwives. IMO you have a much nicer birth process with them because they get to know you better before the birth, and during labor they stay with you pretty much the whole time and guide you nicely through the process – not popping in & out all the time like the doctors do. If you are doing an unmedicated childbirth, which is always my desire, I think you have a way higher chance of success with midwives than with doctors. But I also believe in modern medicine. Totally! You should always give birth in a hospital so that if something goes wrong with you, the baby or the process the doctors and equipment you might need are just down the hall and not all the way across town.)
The Birth.
My midwife team is great! It consists of 2 midwives and a student midwife. Labor goes fine. I do not need medication. After about 4 hours of escalating contractions I am ready to push. But of course the midwives all say “Don’t push yet! You’re not quite fully dilated!” Everyone reading this who has ever given birth knows how almost impossible it is to not push once the push impulse takes hold of you. I manage to hold off for about 5 minutes, but then– hello! – I’m pushing now.
For someone who does not go into labor spontaneously I am a World Class pusher.
First push, nurse-midwife says “I see black hair!” They do a quick episiotomy because it will be a big baby.
Second push and the head crowns. Midwife says “Okay, on the next contraction really push hard! Maybe we can get the head out!”
Third push, I really push. In my little world of visualization what I am doing, lol, is sticking my right shoulder into the baby’s butt, bracing both feet against the wall of my uterus and pushing off! It sounds a bit weird but that’s what I was doing. In fact I was so busy with my extreme push that I couldn’t hear the midwives all yelling “Stop! Stop pushing!!!” So my third push had that baby out and since it was so fast there was no time for them to rotate and get the shoulders out one-by-one. Baby came out with her shoulders squared and I felt a big rip. Tom’s face got such a glorious look of combined wonder at the sudden baby and horrific wince at the ‘rip’ moment.
My Birth Epiphany.
Right after the baby is born they lay her across your chest, still attached to you by the umbilicus. Such a sweet moment. I kiss baby’s head and tell her her name. I promise to always care for her and be there for her. Then I have my birth epiphany for the second time (first time was with my first daughter.)
It is such a wondrous, magical moment when you hold your child - a complete and separate human being - but still attached to you by a pulsing umbilicus. For me, it is a powerful and primal moment. I know that my own mother gave me life in just the same way, holding me while I was still attached to her. I have a vision of a great line of mothers going back and back into time – all attached by one great umbilicus. Because giving life when you give birth is a flesh-to-flesh thing. Every daughter born of a mother has an endless connection - a direct, physical, flesh connection to every mother in her birthing line! The great umbilicus stretches back through all of history, through all of pre-history, through early cave woman, all the way back to some little Australopithecus afarensis 3 or 4 million years ago! And back before her into an unknown evolutionary past which may be forever unknown. But I am connected to all of it and all of them, flesh to flesh, blood to blood, by that umbilicus and the physical act of giving birth. Such a moment! It takes my breath away! I am touching the face of eternity.
A midwife clamps the cord and shows Tom where to cut. He cuts the cord, severs the connection to eternity, and is given his daughter for the first time. Now she belongs to him, for his eternity. The midwives assign my daughter her first Apgar score – 9.5. Not bad. All that remains is to deliver the placenta. A piece of cake in comparison with the rigors of birthing a baby, right? But this is where my complications begin.
WARNING. DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING IF YOU ARE PREGANT AND/OR SQUEEMISH ABOUT BLOODY MEDICAL TYPE STUFF
My Complication.
It is now maybe four or five minutes after I have given birth. I’m not really sure because I was busy having my epiphany, lol.
The midwife puts one hand on top of my marshmallow belly, finds the uterus so she can gently push down on it, and takes hold of the protruding umbilicus. And just like that I feel a hot gush between my legs and hear a ssssplat! sound on the floor. The midwife says jeez or something and runs out of the room. The other midwife hands the baby to Tom, looks distraught and says “The umbilicus broke off. We need a doctor now. You’ll be okay.”
And I know what is happening then. There is a steady pulse of hot gushes and blood gobs smacking wetly on the floor. The placental blood vessels do not constrict. So long as the placenta remains attached to my uterus it will pour out blood. It is kind of like having your throat cut in terms of inevitable bleed-out unless something is done. And it is an OB emergency. When the call goes out every doctor who is not already handling a worse scenario must respond. And they come running!
Tom looks at the blood a bit confused. He has no idea if that is normal or not and the midwife’s running out has confused him. He figures out it is an emergency pretty quick though as doctors and nurse start pouring into the room and talking fast.
The first two docs arrive within seconds of each other. One immediately starts an IV line so I can be transfused as needed. The other says “Excuse me. I’m sorry” and sticks his gloved arm into my vagina and up into my now flaccid uterus. It was a big baby, no? He sticks his arm in up to his elbow, and then he starts feeling around, trying to find the placenta and physically peel it off – the only way to stop the bleeding.
I have no idea what Tom is doing while this goes on, because there are now 2 or 3 more doctors standing by my bed and a bunch of nurses with them. I can’t see Tom at all. The doctor again apologizes and explains what he is doing and why. I think it is good that I already understood more or less what was going on, so I don’t panic at all. I just say “Okay.”
It is a very bizarre feeling to have someone’s arm stuck into your body! And while the doc feels around, the blood continues to gush out around it and splat on the floor. In a few moments he finds the placenta and starts trying to peel it off my uterine wall. The blood continues to gush. He scrapes hard! I can feel his fingers grabbing and picking away inside me. It doesn’t hurt because there are no nerve ending associated with pain inside your uterus (at least I don’t think so) but it feels like I am being punched out from the inside. Weird pressures. Not at all comfortable, although entirely bearable.
Finally, he gets a good grip and peels the placenta away from my uterus. Just like that the gushy bleeding stops. When the doc stands back I see that his whole arm is bloody, and the front of his scrubs as far down as I can see are covered with blood.
As soon as the bleeding abates & the placenta is out the extra doctors all leave. The bloody doc looks me over and decides that I need to be moved to the OR to have my rip sewn up. I already had a major rip, possibly the arm wrestling inside my uterus made it worse – I don’t know. Anyway, I had 3rd or 4th degree tears (I forget which it’s called). I tore into but not through my rectum.
So they get ready to wheel me off to the OR. Tom looks conflicted because baby and I are splitting up now. I tell him to stay with the baby and off I go to the OR. On the way there I feel suddenly desperately cold. I begin to shiver violently. I guess I was beginning to go into shock from all the blood loss, but in the OR they put warmed blankets over me. Heaven! The shivering stops immediately. I notice that I have a bag of clear solution now attached to my IV. I’m not sure just when that happened – I was totally looking down at the long-armed doctor the whole time!
I need internal and external stitches. The arm-doctor, wearing clean & unbloodied scrubs now takes his time, doing a good job, and we chat a bit. At one point he tells me he will need new shoes. I guess I filled his shoes up with blood, lol.
And that’s the end of my little emergency. One hundred years ago I probably would have died, but thanks to modern, trained medical staff it was just a 5-minute thrill ride. And this is why I always tell people to have their babies in a hospital. Good midwives use a hospital. Because they know that once in a great while everything is going to go to hell really fast.
Oh yeah. They wouldn’t let me go back to the birth room to see my blood! One of the midwives commented that she had to go back to the room and help clean up the blood. “You wouldn’t believe the pool of blood back there!” she told me. I really wanted to see just how much blood had gushed out of me, but they wouldn’t do it. For some reason that really bummed me. It was my blood, why shouldn’t I be able to see it?
Friday, September 01, 2006
Where Have All The Turkeys Gone?
This? Is a food complaint thread.
I like a nice turkey sandwich now and then. Turkey, sprouts, thin sliced tomatoes, mayo, soft wheat bread. It's my comfort food. The best part of the Thanksgiving turkey.
I learned long ago that you can't order a turkey sandwich in a restaurant anymore because all you get is that deli-style, thin-sliced turkey loaf crap. I don't want that. It doesn't taste like turkey. It tastes like food additives and it has a weird, semi-gelled texture.
So yesterday I bought and cooked a frozen turkey breast. A great big, full-sized breast frozen by Jennio-O or someone. It looked just like the frozen turkeys you get a T-day. Thawed, it looked like a turkey breast - skin, bones, a neck cut. But when I cooked it? It had that deli taste and weirdly-moist, gelled texture!
They have figured out how to ruin turkey! I am so bummed! Turkey meat is supposed to have mouth. What am I going to do!?!
Swami <--- worries about the important things in life.
I like a nice turkey sandwich now and then. Turkey, sprouts, thin sliced tomatoes, mayo, soft wheat bread. It's my comfort food. The best part of the Thanksgiving turkey.
I learned long ago that you can't order a turkey sandwich in a restaurant anymore because all you get is that deli-style, thin-sliced turkey loaf crap. I don't want that. It doesn't taste like turkey. It tastes like food additives and it has a weird, semi-gelled texture.
So yesterday I bought and cooked a frozen turkey breast. A great big, full-sized breast frozen by Jennio-O or someone. It looked just like the frozen turkeys you get a T-day. Thawed, it looked like a turkey breast - skin, bones, a neck cut. But when I cooked it? It had that deli taste and weirdly-moist, gelled texture!
They have figured out how to ruin turkey! I am so bummed! Turkey meat is supposed to have mouth. What am I going to do!?!
Swami <--- worries about the important things in life.
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