I am just busy wrestling conundrums. Those suckers are a real pain! Like, am I my sister's keeper? When she doesn't think she needs one? But is generally in total denial of reality? And belongs in an assisted living facility but would rather live like Mrs. Haversham in a pile of crap? Some of it quite literal?? And she lives so freaking far away (across an ocean) that I can't really keep tabs on her but someone has to? And I think she is having early signs of Altzheimer's which doesn't help at all?
I can't go there (again) to try and get her to help herself before it is too late. My oldest DD just went to try and help her and was appalled at her living conditions and the depths of her denial. Her friends of more than 30 years have started to avoid her. They still care for her but she is just too hard to be around so one day at a time they just avoid her. And still she doesn't (won't) get it. She needs help! I am starting to think the only solution is to call some form of Social Services down upon her. Sister would hate that! They might condemn her house! But she would be moved to a better, cleaner, safer environment. Even though she does not value cleaner and safer at this time. Jeesh.
She can't live with me. Tom would go nuts because she is a HUGE presence and (even more than most egoists) considers herself the center of all importance in the world. Plus, most days she can barely go up and down the stairs and my tubs and showers are all on the second floor - plus my house is one of those 70s multi-level, 'soft contemporaries' so there a few steps up and down even on the main level. She has trouble relating to my son with autism. (Well, everyone does, lol, that's the nature of autism. But this is his home and refuge and DH and I are his only champions. When she is here she unconsciously competes with son.)
DD considered having her come and live with her family but sister just walks all over her. I don't think this would work and I have major concerns for this DD and my grandson if this happens. (I grew up living with an Aunt who descended into Altzheimer's and made me miserable for the longest time - I don't want this for Grandson.) Sister treats her like a servant for Pete's sake.
I hate wrestling conundrums! (Oh yeah - this is not my Evil Sister. This is my 17 year older, formerly best-loved sister.)
I may regret this post and kill it in a few days...
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5 comments:
Damn. That really is a conundrum. *hugs* It's difficult enough to deal with someone who is slipping into Alzheimer's when they live in the same town let alone an ocean apart.
You have to do what is best for your family and especially Max. Tough decisions. You're one of the smartest women I know. You'll find the right answer.
*more hugs*
I totally agree with Lights.
{{hugs}}
I don't have answers, but I have sympathy and hugs. I can relate to the living conditions a little bit. My sister lives in filth and complete disarray, but thankfully, not her own bio waste. I worry about her 10 year old daughter growing up in such a horrible environment.
Good luck, Swami.
*smooch*
*hugs* That is a bugger of a situation. I'm sorry.
I'm in agreement with Lights here. Usually I'm in agreement with you, Swami. However you feel and whatever you do is probably how I would feel and what I would do.
*hugs*
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