Meet Story – Part Final. And They Lived Happily Ever After

Tom and I, once we get over our early miscues, settle into such a sweet and easy relationship. We just get along, you know? My yin fits his yang and we form a solid, stable circle. All that is left is to meet the relatives and pick a date! Piece of cake! *snorffle*

Meet The Parents

Tom is a local boy, so I meet his family first. The family farm is a two hour drive away and we go there as a couple for the first time about five months after we start dating. On the way there (and for days before) Tom tries to explain his parents. They are rigidly, resolutely Roman Catholic. (What I call rigor mortis Catholics—their religion paralyzes them as much as it grounds them.) They did not want his first marriage to end. They were very hard on his first wife. They were a big part of the reason why his marriage broke up. They are extremely and parochially Catholic! Tom says if I don’t like it at The Farm we never have to go there again and I never have to see his parents again! So I have no idea what to expect.

We are scheduled to arrive for lunch on Saturday. Dinner at noon is sacred and we arrive about 12:03. So as soon as we walk in the door we have to sit at the table with his Dad, Mom, a younger brother and someone else—I forget who. As soon as we sit, we have to say Grace. Everyone crosses themselves. Except me. I just sit quietly and bow my head respectfully. I see eyes flick at me during the cross-yourself maneuver. The second the prayer is over Tom’s mom turns to me and says “I see you didn’t cross yourself. Aren’t you Catholic?”

I answer “No.”

Then she jumps up, runs to the kitchen sink (we are eating in the farm kitchen), bangs some pots and exclaims “Why can’t these boys find nice Catholic girls!?! What’s wrong with them?”

Everyone at the table snaps their eyes resolutely onto their plates and starts eating, just shoveling the food down. In total silence. It is very uncomfortable and kind of funny at the same time. After two or three minutes Tom makes some comment about how good his mom’s food always is, and conversation slowly begins to flow. The folks start that “interview” thing that makes meeting parents such a treat. I would term this one a ‘hostile interview’, lol.

Then (and in the first few years of our marriage) his parents are very manipulative. They have no idea that Tom has not been a practicing Catholic since about 2 weeks after he left home for College. Tom just fakes out like he is still going to church. I find this very strange. But Tom says they would never-ever understand or respect his dropping out, so he just avoids the confrontation. Again, I am baffled but whatever kind of relationship Tom wants to have with his folks is fine with me. We are not going to live in the same town and Tom tries to protect me from too much contact with them—so I have no worries. I am a fairly grounded person and I don’t get upset or insulted too easily.

I meet his brothers who all live within a few hours drive. Three of them are seriously dating someone. All will be married within the year, only one to a nice Catholic girl, lol! I think this is what comes of force-feeding your kids religion.

Road Trip!

My relatives and the rest of Tom’s siblings all live out-of-town so to meet them we have to do a Road Trip! Our first Road Trip! We will drive from Minneapolis to Boston and back. We will meet my mother, brother & sister, and Tom’s sisters who all live as far from home as they possibly can. (One sister, in fact, doesn’t even visit The Farm for about 15 years after she first leaves.) We will have my daughter with us for the first couple of meets—then drop her off in Hamilton, Ontario with my mom while we continue on to New England and the rest of the meets.

One sister lives just North of Chicago. As we drive up to her house Tom remarks that this is probably his strangest relative and if I survive meeting her, the rest of the trip should be fine. I have no idea what to expect!

Turns out, she is totally normal. I like her immediately and she remains my favorite of all Tom’s siblings. Her husband is a certified manic-depressive, but he is in his manic phase during our visit and so very charming and entertaining.

Next we meet my brother, who lives East of Chicago. He (like me) is an agnostic, but is married to very devout Christian Scientist. His wife is at some weekend religious retreat when we first arrive on a Saturday. Tom and my bro hit it off pretty well, we have a fun visit. Tom, my daughter and I wind up spending the night on the living room floor. My brother has 6 kids in a very small house—it’s the only space available.

Monday morning my brother’s wife arrives home; we have lunch and get ready to leave. At some point during lunch my SIL finds out that we all slept on the living room floor and she goes a bit berserk. We slept together while unmarried! With my daughter in the same room! And her kids in the same house! Oh, the immorality! She throws us out of the house. Which is okay with me since we are leaving anyway. My brother is embarrassed but Tom is very entertained. I have religious nuts in my family too!

Next we visit my Mom in Canada. Mom loves Tom right away. She says my late dad would have really liked Tom—that means a lot to me. While there we also meet my sister Carole and one of her husbands. (Number two, I think.) We drop my daughter off at Grandma’s and head for New England. But first? We make a stop at my Alma Mater, Cornell University.

Cornell

I have booked a room at Willard Straight Hall, which is the Student Union building and also, legally, a hotel since this is how they can get their liquor license. When I was a student they had about a dozen rooms so I have no idea when I book a room that they now have only ONE guest room, just to keep their liquor license. So as we register they give us a room key and a building key. When The Straight closes at 10 p.m. we are all alone. In my old Student Union!

Oh, the fun we have running all over four floors of building! The main lobby, the cafeterias, the reading rooms, the lounges—me in my yellow baby-doll nightie and Tom in his pj bottoms. Yes! We are loose and free to roam the Student Union in our pajamas! It is like a fantasy come true! We are a bit naughty. Okay, we are a lot naughty—it is just too much fun!!! We consider running around naked, but decide to keep the pj’s on because of the large windows here and there. We are just deciding to have sex on one of the cafeteria tables when we hear footsteps. Oops—there is a night watchman!

He gives us an amused look and announces that he patrols the building every hour or so. Oops, and darn!!! We are not alone in the building after all. Giggling. we go sit on the leather couches in the Faculty Room, worry about the night watchman and decide to not get frisky any more except in our own room.

I’ll bet that night watchman has seen a lot of hanky-panky in his day. I mean seriously, who wouldn’t go nuts left all alone in their Student Union building!?!

And More Family

On to Boston. Tom says his Boston sister is the most normal member of his family. Which means that in true Bizarro World form I find her to be the strangest. She even has a bizarre dog! Tom finally agrees with me—sister is a bit strange. I guess what gives her the reputation for normalcy is the fact that she had a nice Catholic wedding to a nice Catholic boy and she’s still nicely married and still devoutly Catholic.

We meet the Vermont sister, the one who never visits home and is married to a Methodist (or something). She is very sweet. We picnic by a lake and have a fun time before heading back.

So we’re done. Each of us has met the other’s relatives (except for my sister in Hawaii) and survived. All we have to do now is plan a wedding!

Happily Ever After

Oh, wait. First we have to buy a house together! While cruising around the Lake of the Isles we stumble on an Open House in a lovely Victorian house, in a fairly exclusive neighborhood. On the spur of the moment, we make an offer. It is probably more money than we can afford, but what the heck we go for it. And get it.

The house is gorgeous, but now all our money is sunk into real estate, so we pare down our wedding plans and go on a strict budget. We will spend $1,200.00 on the wedding—no more.

I find a gorgeous white Gunne Sax dress in a little boutique in Rosedale. It will be a perfect wedding dress. We plan to a simple wedding in a beautiful Unitarian Church. And we pick the most Romantic day we can think of –Valentines Day! We decide to invite only about 50 people, and have our reception in the church’s lower level all-purpose room. We pick a fairly simple meal—I don’t even remember what it was any more—some chicken thing.

I carry red roses, Tom wears his best suit. My daughter is our only attendant. My mom and Tom’s brother are our witnesses. Tom’s mom and dad do not come to the wedding because they only go to Catholic weddings—too bad, but it was their loss! It is a simple and very sweet ceremony. I am totally, completely and over-the-moon happy.

With our limited budget we did not have formal wedding pictures (for which I am still kicking myself!) but here is a snapshot of Tom and me on The Day Of.



One funny thing—after eating our reception dinner and on the way out of the church we passed by another couple who was arriving for their wedding. The guy was in a nice tux and the other guy was in an elaborate white dress. Yes, even back in the 80s Unitarian churches were conducting Gay Weddings! We wished them happiness and Tom shook hands with and congratulated the tuxed guy. Then it was fun to watch our two families as they exited the church past the in-coming gay couple!

My mom wished them future happiness. My good friend from the lab had met the guy before, so she stopped to chat for a minute. And Tom’s brothers all walked by hugging the opposite wall and looking kind of scared. It was too funny.