There is sure a lot of crazy stuff available for "gifting" in the catalog and on-line shopping universe. Anyway these are the Top Ten Things I Do NOT Want for Christmas (as entertaining as they may be...)
10 - Doggy Doo Tree Ornaments. Realistic, resin dog crap tied up with ribbon and sprinkled with glittery "snow". Ready to hang.
9. Talking Mother-in-Law Nutcracker. Says stuff like "My daughter is too good for you!" "Get a job!" "You call this a meal!?!"
8. Motion-Activated, Drunken Parrot. Says weird shit in a fake pirate accent. (If I had one I would call it Rupert.)
7. Amazing Live Sea Monkeys. *waves to Seana*
6. The Hillary Nutcracker. It really cracks nuts! It's Hillary in a power pantsuit. You put the nut in her crotch & squeeze her legs together.
5. The George W Bush 'Mission Accomplished!' Toilet Bowl Brush. Hold his legs, scrub your toilet with his head. Okay, this one makes me laugh. A lot.
4. Fart Lollipops. Evidently people who suck on the lollipops soon begin to fart uncontrollably. (Wouldn't this be, like, poisoning?)
3. A Shut The Duck Up Tee-Shirt, featuring that AFLAC duck with duct tape wrapped around his bill.
2. The White Trash Christmas Album, featuring songs like 'The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen' and Wreck the Malls.' Sadly, I am strangely attracted to carp like this.
and the number one thing I most don't want?
1. Any kind of Singing Fish or Singing Reindeer or Laughing Santa wall plaque! GAH! I hate those things!!!
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4 comments:
Those are amazing, inventive products. And I don't want any of them, either.
Well, maybe the shut-up duck would be alright... but not the doggie doo ornament, we have enough of that from the Beagle...
I think you really do want a couple of these. *looks knowingly at Swami*
I left a few gift suggestions on my latest blog entry. *grin*
Those are .... well .... yeah. Can't say I'd want any of them and can't say I can think of anyone who would.
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