That Was The Week That Was

Monday, Sept 17th was a lovely day so I decided to let a blonde with a chainsaw cut out my left knee. What the stupidiyfuck was I thinking, lol?

DAY 0—SURGERY:
The 1 pm surgery went fine. I had a spinal anaesthesia. Evidently, they don’t let you stay awake when doctors are using power tools on your body but I was awake for most of the closing so I did get to see the tip of my severed tibia, which was my request. (The doctor held it up for me—I never got to see my knee during surgery.)

I was feeling quite upbeat right afterwards. My room was nice, my nurses seemed nice. Tom is always nice. And there was very little pain. Tom stayed for a couple of hours then he had to run. Then I had a late supper of broth and tea. Broth & tea went down, looked around and came right back up. Since I could not hold down food I couldn’t have any oral painkillers and the nurse gave me a shot of morphine in my IV.

Evidently, morphine and I are not friends. I had the weirdest little semi-freakout moment where I Just. Wanted. Out. Of. Bed. I felt smothered by the IVs and machines all around. My simple plan was to get out of bed, blow that popsiclestand and go home. Just get up and leave! I told the nurse I had bed claustrophobia and needed to get up NOW. Which worked out okay since they want you to try and stand right away anyway.

Guess what? Standing hurt, lol. So I sat in a bedside chair for a minute then said okay—I want to go back to bed now! I’m just not cut put to be a runaway.

DAY 1—The Green Meanies
The physical therapists all wore my favorite color – green – in an effort to make me like them. They had this stupid idea I was going to get up and go for a walk. I got dizzy after a few steps every time.

In hospital, you get dessert twice a day. It’s quite nice. I had pudding and bars and even cake! The food was surprisingly good.

Also, people are very worried about your bowels and ask you e n d l e s s l y if you are passing gas okay! I took to giving the ‘thumbs up’ signal, since that seemed most appropriate choice of hand signal.

BRAHM’S LULLABY
This hospital does the sweetest thing. Maybe they do it in other hospitals, but it was new to me. Every time a baby is born they play Brahm’s Lullaby on the PA system. No announcement or anything—just a soft & sweet little song. The staff love this because everyone is reminded – whatever else they may be involved with at the moment – that they are the team that makes it all work! The praying people say a little prayer for the baby, and the good vibrations people vibrate for it. I think that is so neat. If there is some unknowable and unmeasurable benefit to prayers & good wishes, then every baby born in that hospital reaps the benefit.

DAY 2—Green Meanies Are Still There
But today they are nicer. I get a medication change from percocet to vycodin and stop feeling dizzy. I walk around a little. (Actually, I hobble pathetically but they still call it walking.) I see my incision for the first time when they change dressings. Holy Frankenstein is it huge! I have a mixture of sutures and staples, and a slash about 8 inches long down the front of my knee. There is also a little drain coming out the side of my knee for blood to come out and another little tube going in that pumps an antibiotic to the inside of my knee.

DAY 3—Last Day
Nurses are nice. I like nurses. They are always cheerful, they always have something nice to say and they just make you feel good.

On Day 3 they turn the student nurses loose on you, since it looks like you are going to live and all. I think I was the very first hands-on patient for one little girl who did a bang up job of expressing nursing care, compassion and confidence as she took my vitals—even though I know there is no way in bloody hell she heard my lungs because the stethoscope barely connected with my shirt, leastwise my skin. She also blanched a bit while the big nurse showed her how “this hospital” likes knee surgery dressings changed.

DISCHARGE DAY!
The Green Meaning put on a last big push. You have to walk down to the therapy room where they show you how to get in and out of a car (they have a truncated Ford Ranger right in the middle of the room) and make you go up and down a 3-step staircase they have there.

Then I had to try on some new-fangled compression socks that everyone thought were wonderful but I don’t like at all. Ick. I have to wear them for 2 weeks!

Then - home, sweet home. I will write about that later. My topic this week will be knees. All knees, all the time!