Caution: longer than my usual posts.
Most of my life I have lived 2 days drive from (or 8 hrs flight time from) my immediate family members. If Thanksgiving or Christmas visits were to be made, I was the one who travelled. Lately, this has changed & people are suddenly quite willing to come to, or, in the case of my oldest sister, actually move to balmy Minnesota. So I am learning the joys of hosting concealed familial warfare late in life. I don't like it!
Turns out, my daughter visiting from NY detests my sister, who thinks she is actually the beloved auntie to daughter. But daughter does not want to sit next to her, talk to her, go to restaurants or theaters with her, be in the same room with her or include her in anything social if she can possibly avoid it. (She is never rude or obvious about this, just avoids these situations as best she can. So it could be worse.)
Anyway, this drove me nuts. How to be fair to everyone? I did decide to take my daughter & grandson to the Children's Theater production of Robin Hood without telling sister. Sister loves theater so she would have gone, even to a production aimed more at children. I felt bad, but then I really just wanted to enjoy this event drama-free with my grandson. We went. Had fun. I thought the mild deception was pulled off without a hitch. Then the very next night when sister was over for dinner (she lives in a Senior Housing complex about 15 minutes drive away) sister picked up a program for Robin Hood which was just laying on the bay windowsill right by the kitchen table.
"Oh. Did you guys go see Robin Hood?"
So I lied. I said I sent the kids because I couldn't afford to take everyone everywhere like I did last Christmas. Sister accepted the lie but damn I felt bad. Daughter swears the program was in a bag and sister shouldn't have snooped into the bag and found the darn program. I pointed out that it was a brown grocery bag full of snacks and of course my snackaholic sister would take an inventory of such a bag as it sat on a "counter" (windowsill) in the kitchen. So stupid.
So I told daughter that the next time she comes for a visit I am not even going to tell the sister, unless the visit involves a major holiday family dinner event. Which it probably will. Sheesh.
Now I know what other people put up with at their large family gatherings all the time. What a nuisance! How do you people do it? Maybe we will have a super-duper, chilly winter trhis year - colder than Dante's Ninth Circle of Hell - and scare everybody away again. I can dream, can't I?
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6 comments:
We hold similar sized Thanksvigings as you, and there's never major drama, but always annoyances. My middle sis is living with a guy that, in comparisson to the ex, is a saint. However, he talks non-stop. And sister gets drunk on two drinks and gets loud. I figure if that's the worst, it's fine.
The problem with hosting is you can't leave when you want. Hence why we agreed to go to MIL's for Christmas. It's a four hour drive in potentially bad weather, but that's ok. We can stay overnight and leave the next day.
Glad you enjoyed Robin Hood with the peeps you most wanted to.
Swami could give Estee tips on writing the "long" post.
You did nothing wrong about how you handled any of it. We don't have too much drama anymore with Michael's family. BIL's girlfriend is a PITA, and I actually had a small confrontation with her via Facebook messaging. I sucked it up and made nice in order to avoid any unpleasantries.
I remember Estee. I always admired her pithiness. She also wrote long-ass movie reviews, yes?
I hate family drama. I have no trouble going toe to toe with strangers but I wimp out with my family members. I'm a wimp.
Happy Birthday, Swami!
Family drama sucks. Heck, any drama sucks. Makes you want to run away from home (for at least the duration of the 'event')!
Holidays and families are overrated. Bah humbug.
It was your birthday? Hope it was a good one!
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